The Art of Pick-Up Lines
Jenna is sitting on a bench waiting for her train and Tom comes up to her.
I saw you sitting all alone
And sadly playing with your phone.
I thought I’d come and say “Hello”
(attempts to politely end the conversation)
That’s very kind of you, but no,
I’m simply waiting for my train.
(sits next to Jenna and takes her hand)
You do not have to hide your pain.
Your soul is lonely, so is mine,
It’s time for them to intertwine.
(takes her hand away and moves from Tom)
It’s time for you to leave in peace
Before I have to call police.
(gets on his knee and pulls a rose from his jacket)
But don’t you feel the passion rise?
Come closer, look into my eyes!
What do you see?
A creepy guy?
(gets up with attitude and throws the rose in the audience)
So you’ll just let our feelings die
Without giving them a chance
To fill your essence with romance?
I think I will, although it’s hard,
Live miserably, but apart.
(sits next to Jenna, looking devastated)
And leave our goals unfulfilled?
But what about the house we’d build,
Where we would spend our happy days?
The pets we’d buy? The kids we’d raise?
The jobs we’d quit for better life?
How many kids?
I wanted five.
Five kids?! You crazy? That’s a lot!
I think it’s worth at least a shot.
Let’s try until we have a boy,
Besides, the process we’ll enjoy.
Which job you’re thinking you should quit?
The one where all I do is sit.
Where hemorrhoids pose a risk.
And I need something fun and brisk.
I make a million a year,
Have a respectable career,
But so much time and so much stress,
That I would settle for much less.
And love is all I really need.
But don’t we have five kids to feed?
You said five kids was way too much!
I might have panicked in the clutch.
I think that five would be just right.
When should we start?
We can tonight.
Your place or mine?
I thought we’re one?
You’re moving in?
I have a pet.
A horse. I’ll take her with me?
Yes, of course.
I have a sheep. They’ll get along.
I start to see that we belong.
We’re not that different at core!
I cannot wait to hear some more.
You know that I’m a millionaire,
So now you also have to share.
Tell me, what do you to for work?
Oh... I professionally twerk.
I knew my calling was a stage!
And may I ask you, what’s your wage?
Enough for cars in the garage,
For daily stylists and massage,
For shoes and clothes from Michael Kors,
For wax and manicures, of course,
For monthly visits oversees
To France, to England and to Greece.
For my collection of antique
And girls nights out every week.
Oh, wow, I never would have guessed.
I must admit that I’m impressed.
I thought that twerking was a joke.
Time to admit that I am broke.
I’m not a millionaire at all.
I’m just a sales guy at a mall.
I don’t make much and I’m in school.
Don’t have a sheep, don’t have a mule,
I only have a guinea pig.
And my apartment isn’t big.
The truth is I don’t have a car,
Although my job is really far.
I have no shoes from Michael Kors,
Have no antiques and have no horse.
I’ve never even been to France.
I’d like to ask you for a chance
To let me take you on a date,
Where we together can create
The world we’ll maybe get to share.
What do you think?
Say when and where.
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