Grief

                to my daughter Karina
I woke up as usual at four
and, as it happens, panting, gasping, breathless,
with thoughts becoming agonizing, restless,
and sleep was no longer. No more
my hopes in the dark appeared sound:
you were forever lost and never found,
and I was struck with undiluted grief.
Of course, throughout days my belief
is of assistance keeping me afloat,
Christ’s carrying my load. Even joy
does dare blooming like an orchid coy;
my sorrow is pushed away, becomes remote
and non-applicable to many of events.
I could forget the past with its indents,
the hollowness, the depth of craters’ gape –
the horror of my loss, your mind’s rape,
resulting in the ultimate betrayal,
where now you’re, against your wishes, stuck,
where all my love and all my efforts fail
to get you out from this life’s muck.
I could ignore the devil’s sneering scowl,
and carry on unscathed, unbend, alive,
and even, rooted in the future, thrive,
but in my dreams I howl, howl, howl.

6 September 2011