Place To Return 18. 02. 2000

...To my immortal land, the best place on earth, to where I always will return is dedicated this poem.

Epigraph: ...Our steamboat leaves for past - bright but so irreversible
Not without any effort to bring back its spells
And it's not 'cause we all so much want the impossible
Just 'cause don't wish to set off for anywhere else...*

                Place To Return

                1.
This region stretches to the South -
Mysterious and superstitious
It is the land of ever love,
The sunlight and the cryptic wishes
                2.
The cool winds lift me up and hold
To show the pictures of my living
The higher powers keep this world
As the divine shrine to believe in
                3.
My heart belongs to its pure grace
Tonight I witness the begotten
I'm sailing back in time and space
Throughout the years of unforgotten:
                4.
...Here I'm a small boy in a boat
Who's laughing at the spurting splashes...
...And there I walk the forest road
To see the shining water's flashes...
                5.
I made here my own Realm of Dream -
An other best and safe dimension
There was no false truth to misdeem
Nor lies, nor devilish attention
                6.
And some fine day I met the girl -
My maid, my image and my sorrow
I thought for her I could change all
To hand in hand share next tomorrow
                7.
We roamed among the swaying trees,
We watched the moon up the horizon,
Enjoyed the rustle of the breeze
And waited for the first star's rising...
                8.
But then the fate declared the end
It plunged me to the pull of sadness
I lost my love, I lost the friend
And trod the way of grief and madness
                9.
It was the decade filled with pain,
Despondency and desperation
That torment almost broke my brain
Within my Mental Reservation
                10.
I felt inside a thirst to die
And melt amid the stormy weather
But always knew - no second try,
No chance for us to stay together...
                11.
...I trudge along the sandy coast
To find a trace upon the ground
And with the dark breath of the ghosts
The past's shades haunt and soar around
                12.
And still I take this sacred place,
'Cause Everything Was Starting Here**
It seems again I see her face
And hear her voice so sweet and clear...
                13.
Today I don't guess how and why
She rose in me an inspiration
Just some blear visions passing by
Merge with my scorched imagination
                14.
Recall - the summer eves were warm
And the nocturnal air was tender
This land's the last retreat called home,
The greatest something to remember
                15.
Incessantly it beckons me
Into the mazarine profound
My mind's the sliver in the sea
That's following the drifting sound
                16.
But swooning in the distant blue,
The music fades down in the middle
Of heaven which yet holds the clue
Unlocking all the earthly riddles
                17.
And those who have revived the strings,
Already can't be smart and clever***
My brief youth spread its golden wings
And vanished in the night forever
                18.
I'm sure that I'll be back of course
To tend these peaceful woods and rivers
Someone would say: "Your faith's your curse"
But I don't trust the unbelievers
                19.
My spirit wanders in the past
And maybe it's a quiet obsession
But now there's nobody to cast
A spell upon to wake my passion
                20.
My anguish blinds me more and more -
The childhood's fled, no hopes nor cover
How long ago we played "the war"
And raced away to chase each other...?...

...And now it's all gone. The night clouds are still slowly passing over the endless river; and the silent shooting stars from the impenetrable expanse are still drawing the lighting stripes through the moonlit sky...
    My soul, abandoned by those whom I loved, is irresistibly aching back to the lost freedom and like a distant bird's cry far beyond the grace of bygone sunset is flying in the twilight space over the Timeless Desert Of My Dispassion to find a ghostly point to carry on living for something better...

...thus ends this gloomy revelation
though my sad verses shall go on
perceive it as the incantation
which summons all that can't return...
_______________________________________
*...Наш пароходик отходит в светлое прошлое
Не без волнений отходит и не без труда
Не потому, что так хочется нам невозможного
Просто не хочется больше уже никуда...
                О. Митяев

** Здесь Всё Начиналось
                Connor Macleod

*** Но кто оживил струны, быть умным уже не может...
                О. Медведев