Umbrellas, umbrellas-they re moving thru night

Попробовал перевести с небольшой долей свободы по отношению к оригиналу
свой же стих "Этюд дождя"
http://www.stihi.ru/2013/07/20/1226
Вот, что получилось:


Umbrellas, umbrellas-they're moving through night,
Where rainy and grayish and waterish sites.
Where barely can be seen  a tree bending trunk-
the only tour guide in the city that sunk.

Seen also the shadows moving over asphalt.
Like women long dresses, they flying in waltz.
Headlights of the taxis caressing light posts,
and nowhere dry islands, all soaked utmost.

And endlessly raindrops embracing the foliage;
But water unable to make with glass bondage.
Mist caught in the light, where it is densely assembles;
It's volume attached to lanterns, and it trembles.

And shops like the caves which are being vacated,
while manequiens silently for something waiting,
 and vanity shine of the world now not needed,
Since nature itself took it all  and  succeded...

Two lovers  are hiding under  the cover of arc,
They saved from rain and secluded in dark.
Their two silhuettes in the same outline.
they'll, maybe, find later, place warm and dry.


Рецензии
Gregory,

I didn't get a chance to read your original poem. However I pleased to say that you are a very good in translation, cause to do such job from your own language to another is pretty much work done.

With all my respect,

Михаил Генин   19.01.2014 00:06     Заявить о нарушении
Thank you, Михаил.
Real encouraging to me! It's my first try, I never did any rhyme translation before.

Regards,

Gregory

Григорий Вольф   19.01.2014 01:33   Заявить о нарушении