I am running from my shadow

I am running from my shadow,
With a needle in my arm…
Lost connection with my Father,
Love to cause myself harm…
I’m replacing pain with pain,
Paranoid, shaken, scared…
Dealing with my guilt and shame,
Looking for someone to care…

I’m not ready to surrender,
Having hard time letting go…
I’m confused about my gender,
Getting high, one love I know…
Hopelesness is my relive,
Every time my life gets hard…
Liar, cheater, raging thief,
Lost my unity with God…

Worthlessness, my peace of mind,
I’m homeless, cold and crying…
Shadows chase me from behind,
Am I living, or am I dying…
Crawling thru a deadly valley,
Broken needles in my veins...
Screeching, reaching grand finale,
Feels like my insides were stained...

Loud wind disturb my hearing,
Empty cars, covered with rust..
All my demons now appearing,
Anger, jealousy, and lust...
I can hear my neighbors walking,
Hear my parents, having sex...
Voices in my head, keep talking,
Making beautiful amends...

Love, - The Word, without meaning,
Deep inside, I'm feeling numb...
Yet, - My soul is hurt, and screaming,
When I stay relaxed and calm...
My intrusive thoughts are speeding,
In my mind, I have no space...
All my veins are slowly bleeding...
Putting all my dreams to rest…

I hear footsteps in the hall,
Pressed my head against cold wall...
Aneurism kills my brain,
I can't stand all that migraine...
Starbucks coffee getting cold,
Ready to shave my head bold...
Someone knocking on the door,
Screaming, "Open up you whore!"...

I am done with one night stands,
Told him, No, we can't be "Friends"...
"Friends with favors"? I refuse!
I feel "Blue", I am singing blues...
Woah, my tits are getting hard,
Something sharp went thru my heart...
I am kitten in demand,
Fuck, I do one, "One Night Stand"...

Slice of pizza looks so tasty,
Why my life, so fucking wasted...
Turn hot water in the shower,
To release my inner power…
I have no more tears to waist,
Life is, but a,-"Fucked Up Place"...
I've lost,- "My Faith", it can't be found,
I don't feel, no love around...

I hear, -  "Voices", from above,
Hurt is pain, but pain is love...
I hate to love, and love to hate,
Where is my,- "Soul mate"...
Hopeless, helpless, separated,
Not, - "In Love", I am still waiting...
Hide my anger with a frown,
Why, -" My Love", can not be found...

I am anxious, shaken, scared,
I'm fed up, with my,- "Affairs"...
Crying out, singing, yelling,
I don't know, how to be,- "Mellow"...
Damaged,- "Stomach",- "Liver",- "Spleen",
I am fucked up - need to get clean...
Life is, but a,-"Fucked Up Place",
I have no more tears to waist!