No Words To Say

You hit me right between the lines
And I did not believe it then
As ink was oozing down my spine
Or was it blood? I couldn't tell.
I couldn't tell if I'd been stabbed
Or shot or stoned or disemboweled
What I had lost I never found
How could I, though? I've never had
The right to call it mine, let's face it
Just like a swearword on the street,
Somebody had to come erase it
I wonder—were we meant to meet
That night between the piles of printing
And lies to self that all is fine,
A shoulder sore, a smile, a favor
An ill-considered swig of wine…
A hearty laugh, a snarky comment
An unexpected beau geste
I wonder if you did recall it
As you were putting all to rest.
To me it didn't make much sense
With summer haze that came between us,
With fall that always adds to mess
And Lisa's torture of a prius
A rum and cola-flavored laughter
Tears of a visceral regret
Hangover for a morning after
A promise made, a promise kept.
And tons of fun we've had at birthdays
Your constant cockiness aside,
The lectures that we missed on Thursdays
And miles of reading left behind
A splash of crazy in a fountain
With shaggy hair that's fast to dry
Your ego taller than a mountain
Sure of the things you didn't try
Another summer full of nothing
Alarming calls from your GF
My haste to salvage all or nothing
For you to keep what I don't have
'Dead Pancakes' booming in my ears
Though not as loud as your voice
Which used to silence all my fears
But now's just an painful noise;
My being at your every concert
Black angel wings on your guitar
A pair that played too well, in concert
With dirty Converses at par.
Beguiling images of seaside
Mixed with the tears of Arbat street
A heart unplugged for a b-side
A contraband of summer heat
Though Portuguese instead of Cuban,
Your soul still drizzled orange juice
Like waves in shore, trees waved (so human!)
To send regards for later use...
Indeed, as all became a story
The authors' cruelty so sound
Things hardly bear any glory
With superstrings' almighty sound.
No big bang theory left valid
And not a single stone unturned
I turn my gaze to you, astound
You know, I think I may have earned
The right to end this cry as follows:

"It baffles me,
Come as it may,
So much that I just
Have no words to say."



14.03.2013