Ignoring words “Don’t touch! Wet paint!”
Stepped in my careless soul,
And now the memory is stained
With hands, and lips, and soles.
Amid all troubles, in dismay
I loved you with such might
Because with you the yellowish world
Became the painter’s white.
And, oh, my darkness, my soul-mate,
One day it’ll move ahead
To be as white as your lampshade
Or my bandaged forehead.
___
Борис Пастернак
НЕ ТРОГАТЬ
"Не трогать, свежевыкрашен",-
Душа не береглась,
И память - в пятнах икр и щек,
И рук, и губ, и глаз.
Я больше всех удач и бед
За то тебя любил,
Что пожелтелый белый свет
С тобой - белей белил.
И мгла моя, мой друг, божусь,
Он станет как-нибудь
Белей, чем бред, чем абажур,
Чем белый бинт на лбу!
Boris Pasternak. Caution Wet Paint
© Copyright: Галина Иззьер, 2012
Свидетельство о публикации №112060801524
Свидетельство о публикации №112060801524
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sole...eyes, well...really? береглась and глаз is sort of perfect in every way I think. Just thinking here...
Линн Чакоян 08.06.2012 16:10 • Заявить о нарушении
Линн Чакоян 08.06.2012 16:10 • Заявить о нарушении
Aiming for the perfect rhyme as well. Soles seemed adequate (as in ""от гребенок до ног"). The issue is with the more controversial last stanza. I would react to that one
Галина Иззьер 10.06.2012 21:53 Заявить о нарушении
Галина Иззьер 10.06.2012 21:53 Заявить о нарушении
yeah, that last stanza is a bit of a puzzle for me. I would have to dialogue with a native speaker about the Russian. I like the punch of yours...you think you might have played with it a bit? Not always a bad thing to play with a poem. Well, especially if you know what you're doing. )
Линн Чакоян 10.06.2012 22:38 Заявить о нарушении
Линн Чакоян 10.06.2012 22:38 Заявить о нарушении
Looking at some other translations...there are many out there, which sort of surprises me...it does seem the possession of the lampshade and bandage is unique in your translation. Perhaps what he intended. It makes some sense.
Most of them keep the calf image. I'm not sure what that adds, but again it's a matter of Russian and what all this means as a whole. I like your use of painter's white...that's very evocative and follows the title, etc.
Did you know there is a syndrome called Wet Paint syndrome? I stumbled on that along the way too. Rather hilarious to call it that.
Very interesting poem. I'm liking your take on it.
Линн Чакоян 10.06.2012 23:03 Заявить о нарушении
Most of them keep the calf image. I'm not sure what that adds, but again it's a matter of Russian and what all this means as a whole. I like your use of painter's white...that's very evocative and follows the title, etc.
Did you know there is a syndrome called Wet Paint syndrome? I stumbled on that along the way too. Rather hilarious to call it that.
Very interesting poem. I'm liking your take on it.
Линн Чакоян 10.06.2012 23:03 Заявить о нарушении
Lol... looked into Wet Paint syndrome. There is always temptation to walk off the cliff. Like with love.
Bandaged forehead and lampshade came directly from Pasternak, my take was "your" lampshade and "my" forehead. May be too much of an intrusion on my part but I myself liked it
Галина Иззьер 11.06.2012 07:48 Заявить о нарушении
Bandaged forehead and lampshade came directly from Pasternak, my take was "your" lampshade and "my" forehead. May be too much of an intrusion on my part but I myself liked it
Галина Иззьер 11.06.2012 07:48 Заявить о нарушении
Do you mind if I link to it on twitter? I have a lot of followers who enjoy poetry, and I think would enjoy this poem.
Линн Чакоян 12.06.2012 10:13 Заявить о нарушении
Линн Чакоян 12.06.2012 10:13 Заявить о нарушении
Sure thing, as long as my authorship is still mentioned:)
Галина Иззьер 12.06.2012 17:38 Заявить о нарушении
Галина Иззьер 12.06.2012 17:38 Заявить о нарушении