Whiteness

Whiteness
      Oh whiteness
             Of clouds
                Makes me lighter

I feel I’ll dissolve into air by mistake
My head swells baloonlike
                My hair grows oh whiter
                Hopelessly wild –
                Abandoned bird’s nest

Mornings
      Kneeling in bathrooms –
                White of the toilets
                And red of my blood.
Bruises all over
On the white of my skin,
Knuckles with bites
And more to be seen
                If you were to undress me
                And cover with violets
                To match my bruised hands
                And the bites on my throat.

Whiteness
      Oh whiteness
           It eats me in courses
  Starting with fingers,
                Snacking on toes.

I touch myself gently,
                My arms are my lovers
Then I push forks and knifes down my throat
                down my throat.

I tremble, I shiver
              It is painful to swallow
But I push even harder
‘till my eyes are bloodshot.

I lay on the floor
White and weightless – a puppet
Undoubtedly heartless
            A baloonheaded doll

My heart in hysterics –
               She’s laughing and crying,
So I open my ribcage
           With a key from my pocket
And my heart flies away as fast as she can

Whiteness
         Oh whiteness
It bleaches my worries

I flush down the toilet
            My troubles and fears
There’s a key in my pocket
                And I choose to be numb

Colourless eyes close to see –
I'm undone.