The Summit

First
a vague idea appeared;
the ardent desire came later.

Then
all began to turn.

Searching
through the Internet for info,
planning,
preparing,
getting equipment,
finding right contacts.

Hours and hours of workout.
Wears and boots,
ropes and carabiners.
Nutrition,
ice axes,
maps,
compasses.
GPS navigators,
coordinates,
weather forecasts.

Days of strong preparation.
Weeks of heavy workout.


Those days
I thought of you every moment,
I saw you in my vivid colorful dreams,
anticipating our rendezvous,
Elbrus.


All that left in the past.
But there's no past now –
only this
next in turn
step to do.
Strain and breath deficit.

This next step to perform
and a hundred more steps
before taking a short
scanty rest.


Later
I will feverishly
retell the story
to all my friends,
demonstrating numerous photos,
with pride and laugh,
many and many times,
with euphoria and smiles,
many and many times I will watch
the hundreds of pictures
and recall and recall the adventure.

And, after a while,
some small details first,
then larger episodes
will, day by day, slowly fade
and go effaced.

Some day maybe
I'll ask myself:
why was all that?
What did I want to prove
to myself
and the others?

Yet
I will remember our rendezvous,
Elbrus.


All this will happen
in indefinite future,
but
there is no future right now.

Only this
single step
to do.
This short
hard next step
and a dozen more ones.
A dozen more steps
before taking breath.

Checking the course.
Counting heart rate.

And a dozen more steps
before taking next breath.


Now I can see
through my high-dense sun glasses
ridges of glorious peaks,
glittering
under the cold blinding sun,
at the background of deepest blue sky;
I view
the dazzling shine
and transcendent dumb clarity
of this steep
breathtaking height.

I am slowly
drinking
the purest joy
of the rarefied
air's essence,
soaking
inconceivable majesty
of the Caucasus Range.


Yes,
all that could happen in present.
But no present exists.
Only this
step to complete.
Only this
single
step.

No more counting.
No breath control.
No checking
heart rate.

No more power,
no strength.
Only will,
only the will
to make
one next step,
another short step upwards.
Upwards the summit!

...Time's died.
Space's empty.

No light.
No dark.
No sound.
No small sensation.
No strain,
no more pain.
But
perfect silence
and whiteness all around.

Nothing else left
except
will,
the bare
will
to take
a tough breath,
to make
one next step.
One more step
upwards the summit.

And plus
one more scanty breath
and another
slow
step...


...And,
finally
I can see it!
Here is the Summit,

here
it
is!

Here it is,
the shining peak
of so strong desire,
the glaring place
of all bliss and glory!

Hi there, Elbrus!
You were awaiting for me
for so very long,
and eventually
I came!

Drained of all strength
I lie down
on the total whiteness
to embrace you, the Mountain,
to take a deep breath,
to feel the completeness of emptiness,
with a single thought
in my
tired mind:
no sleep!
no sleep!
only no sleep!
get up!
wake and get up now! right now!

As my perception
slowly gets clear,
I discern
a short pole on the top,
hear the blood flow,
feel
rapid heart beat pulsation
in my ears.

Gradually
I am getting up
first on one knee,
then the other one,
then standing up on full feet
with a sensation of
watching a very strange dream,
looking around,
amazingly gazing the view
of a dense humid cloud
right from within.

Then
ten minutes more
to take a few pictures,
to get a short rest,
to share wild joy
with few
chance fellows.

And come on,
go-go-go,
go swiftly back down!
Another danger appears,
a raging snow storm coming here!


…Quickly time passed,
came back the vanity.
I ask myself often: why was all that?
What for?

No clear answer.

And gradually I come
to the realization
that
yet
another summit,
the highest my peak
is calmly awaiting for me.

The brightest one is within.

When does
the time come
to climb it?


Ever
I will remember our rendezvous,
my Elbrus.


------------------------
Pavel Nichkov