To the first and the most innocent love - to M. B

Do you remember time when long ago
We held our hands gathered in line with other children?
Then-future teachers ours appeared strange (and old!).
Remember autumn’s fall of gold above our heads?
 
The story OURS began right then – September 1 of 1983 –
A tale of love
Only to be discovered when a whole decade would pass!!!
 
Do you remember running in the schoolyard?
You ran straight into me...saw fear at my feet – I was so tall…
”You were the tallest,” you have told me later. “I was afraid of you.”
You were so dear, though… appeared small right then,
I must admit, I DO remember!
 
Should I reveal that from the day I saw you first
I loved your face, your features, and your smiles?
And I was only SEVEN years old!

Do you remember how we both forgot each other?
Ten years passed until we met again!
Yet, when we met, you’ve become taller
… me not as much! maybe a little smaller?

When our eyes had met once more
You didn’t have to raise your head to look at me
We were of same height then
Still not the same, but something
Had risen in the hearts of both…

WE FELL IN LOVE – such innocent and precious – 
You for the first time, and maybe I (?).
Indeed, it was our FIRST!

And holding hands once more we were!
Impatient souls, having the bravest thoughts, dreaming of us!
In love at once!!!
With readiness to die alone if not together!

You ran long miles to my door!
You dreamed of me just sitting at your door and starring!
In turn, I painted image yours in my adventures, searches!

With friends we spend some days at times
In pure laughs. With purest thoughts
We faced each other in the wild nature,
We wanted both to see the life’s adventures
We wanted to become the one
…But could not then…
                we were too innocent and
LOVE
Was so much purer then.

But life – mine – brought too many twists and gaps.
Then, full of life but longing for adventures’ storm
I left your love behind
I FELT I HAD TO GO…!?

You?
You played piano scores to me of love of yours
And dropped so many tears at my doors
You begged for me to stay. I know.
Do you remember?

You crawled upon the neighbors’ garage wall
To see if I was sad at all.
You loved me then. I know.
Do you remember?

I left you. Yes, I know…I FELT I HAD TO GO…
And could not ask for your forgiveness THEN
Because I felt I needed to be free and
Could not shut my feelings from the world that roared at me…
Not then!? So, yes,
I had to go.

Few years passed.
Your broken heart had healed. I know.
You broke so many others since those years!
Do you remember?

You’re breaking some right now! I know?
I broke some … many… after yours …
How many I do NOT remember.

Ten years passed AGAIN. Ten years since the life
Of mine IN YOURS.
Yet, twenty years passed since our introduction to the education.

Remember how our hands got wet from whipping hearts
These twenty years back in our schoolyard,
But ten – when said goodbyes
At my home’s door, where tears yours had dried
And my adventures started from?… I DO remember.
……

I am in London now. I am a grown up soul.
The day brought memories of you
Through London's breezy storm
The sun was hiding and appearing at the instant
I thought of you. You know…
And I remembered ALL.

It seems so far away, yet feels so much like true
Today!
I wonder if your mind remembers me at all?

WANTED TO SCREAM THAT I HAVE MISSED YOUR SOUL
Insanely!!! Silly?
You should know:
I MISS YOU SO INTENSELY, I CAN’T STAND IT!

Though saw you NOT for all these years
I do remember scent of yours!
I wish I could at least have called you.
Or, simply heard you, or avoid you.

Have no idea of your face or hands or voice
My heart is missing love of yours –
That was OUR FIRST!
Or, maybe simply miss the innocence we’ve lost?
Or, maybe I imagine you to be the same -
As a decade ago. Did you remain?

I miss that time… You know?
DO YOU REMEMBER?
Cause I remember all …

Please do forgive me…after all?!

London,  June 10, 2002