tangled

I'm tangled in my own snare
Fierce pain instead of self-esteem
You know, to see him once a year...
But it's a dream - so damn the dream

He would be glad to never know me
I wonder if I'm really dead
It wrings my heart to feel thus empty
My head is empty, damn my head

Oh I can tell you he is fair,
Like shining Sun, like stars and moon!
My lot is shame and black despair
His lot is sweet as Heaven's tune

I'll never dare to compare us
For he's a far, far better man
I've never asked for love or service
But have some mercy if you can

It would be better to forget him,
To say farewell to childish hope
I see I can't - a strange affection
Still keeps me tied with tightest rope.

The greatest puzzle, no one to help me
The fondest words, no one to hear
Abandoned ship without a captain
Is man without his darlings near

I dreamt of sharing all the pleasures,
Of stormy Sea and emerald field
It can't come true for times are changing
This rule is stronger than my will.

With common verse or nonsense feelings
I never wanted to annoy
I wish I'll have the strength and freedom
I wish him happiness and joy.