...and when I was a little girl
I used to see the pictures of the Geisha women
They so much enchant me
I was fascinating
Mystery
I’ll never be like them
But I can close my eyes
For to be carried away through times and spaces
To feel I’m not me
This is a disappearing Geisha
Dancing with the fans
Like little butterfly playing with her wings
She looks beyond reality
Too far from problems of the globe
And barely perceptible
Her smile
Mysterious and innocent
The art
The living masterpiece
Her bearing
Eloquence
And manners
All are innate
Her movements and emotions're perfected
I am an Actress...
But I wake up
So sweet and real were all those dreams
My style is very poor to describe the feelings of that travel
beyond reality
© Copyright: Ольга Опаи, 2008
Свидетельство о публикации №108040102719
Свидетельство о публикации №108040102719
Рецензии
Hi Olga,
The scene you wrote is quiet visible.
I had couple stoppages during reading.
***
I suggest to change:
“They so much bewitched me”
To
“They bewitched me completely”
***
“To feel I’m not me” – or “To feel I’m not myself”?
***
“Like little butterfly playing with her wings or” – “a little butterfly”?
***
I wasn’t sure if that line was formed in a self-explanatory way:
“She looks renouncing”
***
“So sweety were all those dreams” – “All those dreams were so sweet” ?
But
I would delete the last two lines anyway.
With warmth,
Iouri
Юрий Лазирко 08.06.2010 17:24 • Заявить о нарушении
The scene you wrote is quiet visible.
I had couple stoppages during reading.
***
I suggest to change:
“They so much bewitched me”
To
“They bewitched me completely”
***
“To feel I’m not me” – or “To feel I’m not myself”?
***
“Like little butterfly playing with her wings or” – “a little butterfly”?
***
I wasn’t sure if that line was formed in a self-explanatory way:
“She looks renouncing”
***
“So sweety were all those dreams” – “All those dreams were so sweet” ?
But
I would delete the last two lines anyway.
With warmth,
Iouri
Юрий Лазирко 08.06.2010 17:24 • Заявить о нарушении
Hi Iouri,
I'll do it with pleasure. Let's see...
(For me it's really impossible to combine my feelings and Grammar)
Thank you.
Olga
Ольга Опаи 08.06.2010 21:36 Заявить о нарушении
I'll do it with pleasure. Let's see...
(For me it's really impossible to combine my feelings and Grammar)
Thank you.
Olga
Ольга Опаи 08.06.2010 21:36 Заявить о нарушении
To LU
...and when I was a little girl
I used to see the pictures of the Geisha women
They bewitched me completely
I was fascinating
Mystery
I’ll never be like them
But I can close my eyes
For to be carried away through times and spaces
To feel I’m not myself
This is a disappearing Geisha
Dancing with the fans
A little butterfly playing with her wings and
She looks free
Too far from problems of the globe
And barely perceptible
Her smile
Mysterious and innocent
The art
The living masterpiece
Her bearing
Eloquence
And manners
All are innate
Her movements and emotions're perfected
I am an Actress
But I wake up...
Dear Iouri,
Thank you for inspiration.
With appreciation,
Olga K.
Ольга Опаи 13.06.2010 10:44 Заявить о нарушении
...and when I was a little girl
I used to see the pictures of the Geisha women
They bewitched me completely
I was fascinating
Mystery
I’ll never be like them
But I can close my eyes
For to be carried away through times and spaces
To feel I’m not myself
This is a disappearing Geisha
Dancing with the fans
A little butterfly playing with her wings and
She looks free
Too far from problems of the globe
And barely perceptible
Her smile
Mysterious and innocent
The art
The living masterpiece
Her bearing
Eloquence
And manners
All are innate
Her movements and emotions're perfected
I am an Actress
But I wake up...
Dear Iouri,
Thank you for inspiration.
With appreciation,
Olga K.
Ольга Опаи 13.06.2010 10:44 Заявить о нарушении