Как воробей, усевшийся на клён,
я прижимаюсь к атмосферному столбу, –
забыв себя и Тетраграмматон,
и верю – обух плетью вновь перешибу.
Ведь был – давно когда-то – первый раз,
где, проскользнув в утробу, я связал
себя с тобой – и, не имея глаз,
увидел бОльше всех, имеющих глаза.
Так и теперь: пытаясь рассмотреть,
куда лежит обратный путь из Фермопил,
я раскроЮ – не в аттике портрет,
а друга в зеркале, которого любил.
И – воробьём, усевшимся на клён,
пойму, что пустота – отнюдь не так пуста...
И, разомкнув тугую связь времён,
начну попытку – с чистого листа.
Не вальсируя с Оскаром Уайльдом
© Copyright: Черный Георг, 2007
Свидетельство о публикации №107101301944
Свидетельство о публикации №107101301944
Рецензии
Little sparrow, embodiment of my soul!
Void isn’t so empty (I know that you were right):
If you jumped from the eaves to the edge of bowl
You could see your reflection on the surface of blood.
Was there anything, dear friend, I should avoid?
Time constraints us, and it’s out of joint…
Please, release me, my speculum, let me go –
Start new leaf.
______________If there is any point.
С теплом,
Ирина
Ирина Бебнева 22.07.2008 21:01 • Заявить о нарушении
Void isn’t so empty (I know that you were right):
If you jumped from the eaves to the edge of bowl
You could see your reflection on the surface of blood.
Was there anything, dear friend, I should avoid?
Time constraints us, and it’s out of joint…
Please, release me, my speculum, let me go –
Start new leaf.
______________If there is any point.
С теплом,
Ирина
Ирина Бебнева 22.07.2008 21:01 • Заявить о нарушении
Wow, Irina, I really like your English poetry! Very impressive indeed.
You know, first I was about to make a few minor suggestions, but then I decided to show you what alterations I would have made if the poem were mine. Please forgive me the liberty.
Little sparrow, embodiment of my great soul!
If the void isn’t so empty (have you been so right?)
When you jump from the eaves to the edge of the bowl
Would you see what reflects on the surface of blood?
Is there anything, my friend, that I should avoid?
Time constrains us, and runs always out of joint…
Guard, release me, my sentinel should let me go –
Start a new page. Tomorrow.
…………………………… If there’s any point.
by for now. ;)
Чёрный Георг Постскриптум 24.07.2008 13:36 Заявить о нарушении
You know, first I was about to make a few minor suggestions, but then I decided to show you what alterations I would have made if the poem were mine. Please forgive me the liberty.
Little sparrow, embodiment of my great soul!
If the void isn’t so empty (have you been so right?)
When you jump from the eaves to the edge of the bowl
Would you see what reflects on the surface of blood?
Is there anything, my friend, that I should avoid?
Time constrains us, and runs always out of joint…
Guard, release me, my sentinel should let me go –
Start a new page. Tomorrow.
…………………………… If there’s any point.
by for now. ;)
Чёрный Георг Постскриптум 24.07.2008 13:36 Заявить о нарушении
The first line I would also change a bit:
Little lark, the embodiment of my great soul!
Чёрный Георг Постскриптум 24.07.2008 13:39 Заявить о нарушении
Little lark, the embodiment of my great soul!
Чёрный Георг Постскриптум 24.07.2008 13:39 Заявить о нарушении
Well, George, it's quite OK with some liberty - as far as the author decided to learn something...
I could agree with the first quatrain - I liked the idea "If the void isn't so empty...Would you see what reflects...?"
But the word 'sentinel'...well, yes, it could be a good one for the sparrow, and I wanted at least one link with the source - "The Portrait of D.G." so, I chose 'speculum'.
And lark...oh, no, George, - you're the embodiment of some fantastically Great Powers - you know, the Lark is one of my nicknames!
Ирина Бебнева 24.07.2008 14:34 Заявить о нарушении
I could agree with the first quatrain - I liked the idea "If the void isn't so empty...Would you see what reflects...?"
But the word 'sentinel'...well, yes, it could be a good one for the sparrow, and I wanted at least one link with the source - "The Portrait of D.G." so, I chose 'speculum'.
And lark...oh, no, George, - you're the embodiment of some fantastically Great Powers - you know, the Lark is one of my nicknames!
Ирина Бебнева 24.07.2008 14:34 Заявить о нарушении
Irina, perhaps I might have misunderstood you, but the only speculum I know - is a medical tool for examination, consisting of a small mirror on a longish handle. I don't quite see how you (or Dorian Grey for that matter :) could address to such a tool?
Besides, I just have noticed that the second line looks better without two "so":
"If the void isn’t that empty..."
As for the Lark... - that's very interesting. ;)
Черный Георг 24.07.2008 15:11 Заявить о нарушении
Besides, I just have noticed that the second line looks better without two "so":
"If the void isn’t that empty..."
As for the Lark... - that's very interesting. ;)
Черный Георг 24.07.2008 15:11 Заявить о нарушении
Well, the meanings I know, are:
speculum [] , -la [] or -lums 1) a mirror, esp one made of polished metal for use in a telescope, etc 2) medicine an instrument for dilating a bodily cavity or passage to permit examination of its interior 3) a patch of distinctive colour on the wing of a bird !
4) pellucid septum in human’s brain
5)reflector...
Of course, you could still be against my word and understanding of it, and I really appreciate your help, but I consider my usage is entitled to exist...If I'm not right, correct me, please!
Ирина Бебнева 24.07.2008 17:03 Заявить о нарушении
speculum [] , -la [] or -lums 1) a mirror, esp one made of polished metal for use in a telescope, etc 2) medicine an instrument for dilating a bodily cavity or passage to permit examination of its interior 3) a patch of distinctive colour on the wing of a bird !
4) pellucid septum in human’s brain
5)reflector...
Of course, you could still be against my word and understanding of it, and I really appreciate your help, but I consider my usage is entitled to exist...If I'm not right, correct me, please!
Ирина Бебнева 24.07.2008 17:03 Заявить о нарушении
Oh, you didn't realise I mean't - my soul is my mirror, my ...well, speculum!
Ирина Бебнева 24.07.2008 17:18 Заявить о нарушении
Ирина Бебнева 24.07.2008 17:18 Заявить о нарушении
На это произведение написаны 2 рецензии, здесь отображается последняя, остальные - в полном списке.