Very Old Poetry

Считайте это прописями,
в которых мил
корявый детский почерк

[Орфография автора по возможности сохранена]


№ 203 com
remember not my scream and touch
cause now I am alone instead
strong-push-your-blade
try-to-forget
I was with you
I miss so much
your laugh your shame your crazytalk
poor heart is ready to forgive
I feel like doing my unstuck
I swear I love you
please believe
my cure bleached me
and I’m alive
like helpless creatures inbetween
my show goes on
so let it in
but nevernevernever lie
I’ve chosen my eternity
I’ve found it but the baby died
to be an angel in the sky
to kill my pain to wipe my tears
you were an angel too, but then…
my soul was hidden under ground
not loving will not understand
I was yours always
and I am.

№ 212 emb
I look at you
look through the water
I knew your paradise of sin
which you denied
it doesn’t matter
I was fifteen
you were sixteen
for a long time
…………………
like our friend said
si quelquechose est mal en toi
you cannot feel and understand
can’t sympathise. pas de la foi
i hate this hungry loneliness
but you know i can’t hate at all
there are too many things to guess
but I just keep the days of fall
je sais que tout est mal in him
ca te tourmente
et tu pleure
i had a friend
i had a dream
but now I cannot dream.
no more.


№ 231 my boyfriends’ boyfriends
I sleep about
I dream around
turn inside out
the things I’ve found


that’s all that he could take
that’s all that I can do
that’s absolutely fake
и просто я бреду в бреду



№ 246 cyri
I’m waiting for you
repeating your name
I’m true and it’s true
I’ll drown in your rain
please throw out my no
please give me your brand
stop me if I go
I promise I’ll stand
the pain can caress
I think. no, I trust
your glare can undress
so nice and so fast



№ 344 bil
I just swallow your smell
while you’re looking so wise
and from your paradise
you are gone to our hell



№ 346
………………….
I live in his lipshape his fire licks my head
he gives me back my innocence
And all I remember is his soundless stair,
his short breathing smile when he ends



№ 381 less
feet like fins
lip like traces
your sunfilled voice comes into my frozen inside
and my tears are melting


№ 389
twelve and disappointed and nobody understands
she’s taking all the cotton from her bunny’s head
everything is broken between her knees and hands
and her mind is going
never coming back


№ 390 ruba
you’re here
you’re so near
I feel your breath but I can see you nevermore
one year
just one year ago ‘twas said that I should never see you, nevermore
since you disappeared
I’ve been so sick and I went down and cried for days my Lord
one year
oh my dear
came not for me and never seen me anymore



№ 391 los
doubt the same doubts as her mommy
wish the same game as her sister
feel the same shame as her honey
have the same idea to miss him
find the same words as his first word
wipe the same tears as he spent on
want the same key for his answers
tried the same future forever



№ 396
brown
try to guess me
words like rain
lips like snow
let me in
just undress me
with your rain
from your snow
locked deep
deep inside here
nightmares, dreams
I see them
let me sleep
I’m alone here
I just feel
who I am
 



Oh thou could never take it.
Turnaround that life.
The top of my mind is naked
Playing my CDshaped time.
…………………………….


 
 № 347. One day after.
Round and round again my lovely CDs
While the outside weather starts to cry
I could cry too but I got no feelings
I could feel but I tell you good bye



 № 398. Waiting for her moon.
So if you bleed with me let’s make a river
Your blood here in throat my blood on you honey
When you’re calling me I got no receiver
Your blood here in throat do you think I’m funny?
You make me believe in my own mistakes
I seem to be still but nothing but money
You say I must live and you know what it takes
I seem to be sane do you think I’m funny?



№ 407 holid
friends and friends
chocolate, flowers,
tea, pancakes
for the Easter
nothing else but running hours
of their holyday
of my honeyless day
sun goes down
the smile is missed
my only fault was to be born
I spoke of love
to angel sneezing…
my only guilt was to be a woman



№ 414
don’t cry
you’ll become smashed and ugly
like flies in the air you’ve got no tears
those airplanes are knocking at your window
you will never never never save yourself
those airplanes are broken by your mirrors
you think about the things you’ll never say
don’t cry
you’ll become smashed and ugly
like those small flies that fizzle in your head
Crashed airplanes are knocking at your head
Knocking at the heart of your mother
And everything that touches you falls dead
Cause you never used to be another
don’t cry
you’ll become smashed and ugly
first pale, than smashed and ugly
they’ll crawl in your head
white and smiling


 
 № 427.
Deurbanized head of mine is laying down his chest
My water voice comes with his cough and his jeans on my legs
Nobody else can fill this time
I’d dance for no one else
Deurbanized head of mine is laying down his chest



№ 428 ale
I’m torn apart between two handsome men
the first loves me but never understands
another loves somebody else but he’s my real friend
so what to do? that way, I think, I’m loosing both of them



 Bil mirrorpgs torn off diary
I see the white bed linen on the wind
I see the last beams of sun tired to show itself
I close my eyes and I let your shape in
I close my eyes cause there’s nobody who can…
Stupid so stupid crazy foolish girl
With the chain of golden hair and iron chain
I see the caravans leaving my world
I’m not afraid
Hello devils
I’m here again




I went with two shades
and every shade was eating my cornflakes
and every shade was waiting for your shade to walk together
and they dropped no more tears
when your one came to make their woman history



I could be saint after walking by your steps
But I really can’t after coming to you honey
My body’s dressed with your little kisses
My eyes are colored by your little smiles
And I can’t go if you don’t go
I love you is the only thing I know
The top of my mountain is throwing off its snow
I’ll catch your eyes and say hello



Why disappointed? I’m not disappointed
I’m drinking my coffee and finding myself in bed
No emotion please do it if you want it
A little afraid please honey please end
No sweetness no pain no shame and no pleasure
Just little small crying just silent last pain
Not winning not loosing I’m spending my treasure
I’m empty and you… you just do it again



 № 453. Not God. Just god.
He opened the door in underwear.
He didn’t shave to pick me again.
Sometimes he’s gone. I don’t know where.
He doesn’t love me anyway.

 
 № 499.
Every time you want to kill me.
You squeeze my tongue with your teeth.
And everywhere you start to hate me.
When you stare into my eyes I just can’t breath.


 H-like nuage.
i saw today my black angel
i saw him
the smell of his cigarettes in my hair forever
his sperm on my jeans




small gift from your god
and my god is not your enemy
I blunt your knife by my best drawings
I spoiled my life
I’m rusty from inside
I’m finally scared
I’ve wasted all my spring
I’ve got nothing to spend



Friday night we splashed through the puddles
red umbrella been our sun
we parked your car somewhere
we put aside our sun
and our hair became curled black snakes
and we drunk this rain with opened mouths
and we kissed the sky with our tongues



dreaming of a poemlike suffering
I was waiting for this
and when I washed your mouth with my blood
you said my blood has the taste of milk
and while you where killing your childness
I understood that you’ll stay a child
and when I told you that I’ve got no more feelings
you told I had the look of bride



and after?
pearls bursting inside of me
the way you kiss
the way inside of me
white crush
splashed out your dark skin
white crush
pearls bursting inside of me
and your eyes
looking at my own crush
the cherry-coloured drops
finally mixed with yours



dirty papers dirty thoughts and feelings
dirty neck in your big dirty coil
clearest cleanness of your heaviest ceiling
dirty gold and nothing more to spoil
what’s up baby I said what’s up baby?
baby never hears his mother’s voice
come on tell me something come on tell me
silence answers me about my choice
nothing’s shocking life is not my enemy
happy birthday girl I whisper to myself
I am watching at my sour soul leaving me
happy birthday. happy birthday babe…



you’re still the centre of my earth
but no more sky
is it worth keeping? is it worth?
goodbye, goodbye…