Dark and loving

Fern

… and the piled-up blanket bares your back,
Warm, where it amassed, cold where it chose not to.
Unruly linens of a soul bewildered. Night, take me!
Play sounds of a city at ease, breathe me serenity!
I am thinking words of fulfillment, in my head,
That would make my covers flat, make me sleep again.

… and the night says, - Come and see me!
I reveal my beauty, only, to men of volition open eyes.
I make people dream, I make them vanish, I make them forget,
Yet, I woke you up, I made you present, I made you recall -
All you’ve been through… all, you deemed to be through…
All you are and, all I am… Goddess, dark and loving.

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Excellent free verse with a nice cadence, quite compelling. The second line, should that not read: 'Warm, where it amassed, cold wehre it chose 'not' to.? and also in the second stanza since meter is not strict, to my English ear, it is missing a word (who's eyes?)......Beautiful verse and it was a pleasure to read.

Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 12.05.2008 16:58 • Заявить о нарушении

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Corrected. Merci Sue, for your comments! One day I will master patience and skills of a true poet. Where have you gotten your English ear from?

Best!

Fern 12.05.2008 21:34 Заявить о нарушении

I live in the state of Texas in the USA. English is all I know. I am trying to learn the Russian language but I'm failing miserably.

Hugs Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 12.05.2008 23:09 Заявить о нарушении

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