No oblivion

Федор Клочков

Dreams are wild dreams are wide
Daylight’s back to light your wreck
Crack of will you take still
Soul on fire gets burn through
Then dies

Hopes were high they were hired
Heart was light until retired
Calls of flesh were slashing crashed
You ‘re half dead … all was shed
No oblivion…

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Some crackers lack-- live or dead
At birth demons freak their head
It’s just the way the world must turn
A Dis spawned infant’s-- born to burn!

Hugs Sue :))))

Мэтти Дубоис 26.04.2007 07:49 • Заявить о нарушении

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... Maybe we talking 'bout the different things? I've been returning several times to your lines but couldn't define the way of your thought.
Yours, Feudor.

Федор Клочков 29.04.2007 18:04 Заявить о нарушении

I think you are right. I have been in the hospital with my daughter and when I first had her in the emergency room they brought in several young kids that were dying from drug overdose. I was amazed by how many I saw and saddened. When I read your poem I could not help but associate the "crack will" and burning with what I saw. Though now that I have reread it I see that it is probably not related and I simply picked up on the words due to the experience. It just goes to show how some things we write can definately take on new meaning with each reader. I'm back home now so I hope to be able to read some more of your poetry. Hugs Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 29.04.2007 22:01 Заявить о нарушении

You are right! Now It's all clear. Well I think that it's great when one finds something special and personal in the lines, in the sounds of music and so on. Crack of will - hm... I didn't think that way - you have opened my eyes...
See at.
Yours, Feudor.

Федор Клочков 29.04.2007 22:28 Заявить о нарушении

But your comprehension made my verse much more gloomy and deeper... I've got to think about it.

Федор Клочков 29.04.2007 22:31 Заявить о нарушении

yes, I'm sorry it did make it gloomy but I don't think that is bad. I think that it is verse that is worded that it inspires an awesome range of emotion, depending totally on how the reader perceives it. I was able to read it once and find gloom but upon returning to it, I found something very different. That is excellent!!! Hugs Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 29.04.2007 22:36 Заявить о нарушении

That's great! You've got nothing to sorry about!

Федор Клочков 29.04.2007 22:51 Заявить о нарушении

That's an Impromtu I've wright back to the verse of one girl. How do you like it?

I tuned my guitar
Made my last inhale
You're so self assured
But here come's a gale

The fight eye-to-eye
You'll drown in my voice
And then mesmerized
You'll give up your choice

Wild cat of prairie
With fury and grace
You know ma cherie
Now this is your place

Yours, Feudor

Федор Клочков 29.04.2007 22:58 Заявить о нарушении

:)) Excellent!! and I'm sure she will love it! The only line that I would consider revising is the 2nd line. "Then slowly inhale" or something on that order, maybe "and slowly inhale." I believe she will think you quite charming!! Hugs Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 30.04.2007 01:02 Заявить о нарушении

Thanks. It isn't a dedication ))) Do you think it's Charming? )))
"Last inhale" - "Last" - is a key word but I'll think upon your words.
Thanks one more time.
Hugs Feudor ))))))))

Федор Клочков 30.04.2007 01:30 Заявить о нарушении

Yes, very charming and very self assured but then again thats what makes it charming. :)) It's great! Hugs Sue.....On inhale: it just sounds strange to say "made my last inhale" I have heard "drew my last breath" or one might say "I inhaled deeply"....not sure on that one but if its key then not sure I would change it. There is always poetic license. Hugs Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 30.04.2007 02:31 Заявить о нарушении

Maybe I'm out of my vocabulary... How should I call a single breath of smoke when one smokes... That's what I've ment.
See at...

Федор Клочков 30.04.2007 03:29 Заявить о нарушении

Ah! :)) Well, your average american would probably say, "Took my last drag or draw or puff or toke" but I think the way you have it written is far more universal. I just didn't get it, just like an average american...haha! I could not associate a drag off a cigarette with inhale. I don't think that is your error but rather mine......Hugs Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 30.04.2007 06:11 Заявить о нарушении

I have posted my misinterpertation of your poem. I would have dedicated it to you but its such a gloomy poem, I would not dare!

Hugs Sue

Мэтти Дубоис 01.05.2007 20:46 Заявить о нарушении

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