... Maybe we talking 'bout the different things? I've been returning several times to your lines but couldn't define the way of your thought.
Yours, Feudor.
I think you are right. I have been in the hospital with my daughter and when I first had her in the emergency room they brought in several young kids that were dying from drug overdose. I was amazed by how many I saw and saddened. When I read your poem I could not help but associate the "crack will" and burning with what I saw. Though now that I have reread it I see that it is probably not related and I simply picked up on the words due to the experience. It just goes to show how some things we write can definately take on new meaning with each reader. I'm back home now so I hope to be able to read some more of your poetry. Hugs Sue
You are right! Now It's all clear. Well I think that it's great when one finds something special and personal in the lines, in the sounds of music and so on. Crack of will - hm... I didn't think that way - you have opened my eyes...
See at.
Yours, Feudor.
yes, I'm sorry it did make it gloomy but I don't think that is bad. I think that it is verse that is worded that it inspires an awesome range of emotion, depending totally on how the reader perceives it. I was able to read it once and find gloom but upon returning to it, I found something very different. That is excellent!!! Hugs Sue
:)) Excellent!! and I'm sure she will love it! The only line that I would consider revising is the 2nd line. "Then slowly inhale" or something on that order, maybe "and slowly inhale." I believe she will think you quite charming!! Hugs Sue
Thanks. It isn't a dedication ))) Do you think it's Charming? )))
"Last inhale" - "Last" - is a key word but I'll think upon your words.
Thanks one more time.
Hugs Feudor ))))))))
Yes, very charming and very self assured but then again thats what makes it charming. :)) It's great! Hugs Sue.....On inhale: it just sounds strange to say "made my last inhale" I have heard "drew my last breath" or one might say "I inhaled deeply"....not sure on that one but if its key then not sure I would change it. There is always poetic license. Hugs Sue
Ah! :)) Well, your average american would probably say, "Took my last drag or draw or puff or toke" but I think the way you have it written is far more universal. I just didn't get it, just like an average american...haha! I could not associate a drag off a cigarette with inhale. I don't think that is your error but rather mine......Hugs Sue
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