my house of cards

Ýë Ñòàéíáåðã
M.R.

when, at last, will I stop
forgetting how to breathe
the moment you appear,

when will your name
roll off my tongue
like any other name,

when will I learn
to stand still under your kiss,
without my spine catching fire,

when will I stop
finding you behind every thought,
stop dressing up hope
and calling it truth,

when will I finally let go –
not just in theory,
but really let you go…

let your hand slip from mine,
let my lips touch your cheek
one last time,
the last time I say
“drive safe”
like I don’t mean “come back…”

and when that happens –
when I let you go
and mean it –
that’s when the whole thing ends:

my house of cards will collapse,
my sugar-spun city will melt,
the tide will wash away my sandcastle…

and my heart –
tired, faithful, fool heart –
finally, finally
falls silent.