“CONFESSION of a GHOST”
a novel by Alexandra Kryuchkova
in the “PLAYING ANOTHER REALITY” series
37 BEFORE/4 AFTER. HOUSE No. 1
*****CHILDREN of SATURN*****
***
Somewhere in the Universe
Saturn was sitting in his armchair by the fireplace.
“Joice Mary NanKivell Loch,” he said, closing the book, “14 Fingers of St. Peter. Joice will serve on Earth for 95 years. Saturn is the planet of old people and long life, but as a guest of your Moon with her emotional reactions… On the one hand, a suppressed Self, on the other, an extraordinary endurance and a deep Self-digging. Reticence, few words speaking and seriousness are not such bad qualities inherent in hermits and monks. Moreover, brevity is the sister of talent. Unlike those who like to chat, promise mountains and then disappear, you are a true friend and always help in deed and word. Saturn is the planet of the wise ones. Saturn children are said to be born old and die young.”
“Can children be born old?”
“No, but it’s in childhood that something happens to them that makes them adults compared to their peers, grandparents play a significant role. Forced early growing up leads to the fact that no matter how old one is later, one tries to compensate for those carefree childhood years, one was deprived of, in order to feel like a real child.”
“Why are people deprived of childhood? Is it fair?” I exclaimed.
“Look how sharply you stand up for justice! Saturn’s children call for justice and reason, but most people think only of themselves. Leave to the Creator the right to decide the destinies. On Earth, it’s impossible to fully comprehend His intentions in order to correctly interpret what is happening. The spiritual path is not strewn with rose petals. Place the soul in comfortable conditions, and in 99% of cases it will lose touch with Heaven, plunging into the mundane and transient. Heaven has other plans for people like you.”
“Saturn is a teacher,” the Guardian clarified. “He gives difficulties as an exam.”
“In the worst case scenario, you’ll turn into a gloomy lazy person, cursing fate, into a miser-materialist, saving up for old age, hating people and Heaven at the same time, fixed on the bad and, as a result, attracting more and more negative events like a snowball. I don’t like such people, and they are doomed to constant physical and moral restrictions up to the deprivation of reason. I hope you’ll humbly accept the hardships of life and begin to radiate Love and Light, turning into a highly spiritual being who serves the world by constant and hard work and imperceptibly ascends to your own, albeit not the highest, Mountain. Saturn at its best is the rock of the Spirit, and no waves of the Moon can break you. In the course of searching for a stone wall somewhere on the side, being the Moon, you will turn into it yourself, being Saturn.”
“Is Saturn in my House No. 1 forever?”
“The planets move in their circle, like the hands of any clocks. The current position of Saturn shows you the Sphere where the major work is to be done. At the control points, the analysis of the soul’s mission on Earth takes place, decisions are made about the further destiny. At the moment of your incarnation, I’m 13 degrees from the point of your first breath, on the border with House No. 2. One degree is conventionally equal to a year of earthly life. Thus all the fundamental Saturn events will occur before your 13th birthday.”
“All? Will there be several?”
“Let’s talk about something pleasant,” Saturn stroked my head. “Each planet can have friendly and hostile relations with other planets. I’m friends with your Venus. She loves art and creative expression and has great taste. I’m good at maths, proportions, rhythm, concentration and hard work. The Moon is a symbol of a rich inner world and depth of feelings. This is a chance to open up through creativity – music, poetry, painting, sculpture and architecture. Don’t accumulate energy within yourself, transform the suffering of the Moon into something beautiful and filled with Love, like Venus, and wise, like Saturn. Speaking of literature, say not much, but deep. An innate low Self-esteem will protect you from pride, and Venus and I will bring well-deserved fame and recognition. Such aspect is found in outstanding figures of culture and art and in great mathematicians. Let’s go to admire the stars on the balcony, since the rain is over!”
We went to the balcony through the next room. The sky became completely cloudless, and the stars were so bright and close that it seemed easy to touch them with hand.
“Look, right above the Tower, there is the Canis Minor Constellation and one of the brightest stars, Procyon. We are in conjunction in one degree. Dangerous star, it promotes not only sudden rise, good fortune and fame, but also downfall. It gives courage and bravery, but enhances irascibility, straightforwardness and honesty, one may offend others with one’s words. If you start to do everything in a hurry or get angry at the world, a cute dog will turn into a mad one and bite you to death. If you treat your work with devotion and work painstakingly and humbly, Procyon will wag your tail and will definitely thank you.”
“Procyon is accented in the passport of Emile Zola the writer,” the Guardian whispered.
“I’m in House No. 1, at the Door to House No. 2, the Sphere of Finance. My influence extends to both Spheres, although I’m responsible for the other two,” said Saturn thoughtfully. “In particular, I manage House No. 7, the Sphere of Partnership and Marriage. Conjunction with Procyon promotes inheritance, gives patronage and support of VIP and old people, partnership with them in business and marriage. But not all that glitters is gold, Rukh, and the details are to be talked about not here.”
***
Library of the Universe
“Angel, will I have anything good in my life?”
“You’ll have me, isn’t that good?” The Guardian hugged me with his wing, “Life on Earth is short but interesting. You’ll be back before you understand that. Souls descend to serve the world. Happiness in the earthly sense is transient and conditional. At true hard times, remember that there is always someone who is even harder.”
The book opened at the page with the story “Farewell to Childhood”.
“Time doesn’t exist. It’s conditional and relative. You will learn to manage Time when you realize that it doesn’t matter how old you are on Earth. The main thing is who you feel you are.”
*****JOICE the GHOST*****
***
Ouranoupoli
Without even having breakfast, I left the house and headed for to the Tower. Unlike many, Ray had never deceived me or said anything for nothing. However, Dimitra, whose icon shop was directly opposite the Tower, couldn’t help but know whether it was open or not.
You could get to the Tower through the central and sea streets, every cat on both of them knew me. I flew along the sea street, praying that no one would call me out, and the prayer worked well. The gate to the courtyard, as well as the door to the Tower, appeared to be open! Two women were talking outside the office on the right.
“Good morning! May I come in? Is it free of charge or not?” I asked, but they continued their conversation, as if nothing had happened and retreated to the room on the left.
“So it’s free,” I decided, and delved inside.
The door in the far left corner led to rooms displaying the finds from excavations on the territory of Athos, including the Zygou Monastery. I froze at the exhibits, studying their description. There were burial vessels dating back to 1100 BC, ritual accessories, copper helmets from the bottom of the sea dated to the 6th century BC, and women’s jewelry in the showcases. I liked especially the ring with a five-pointed star and a bird with open wings, and clay tablets covered with formulas up and down. After examining the exposition of the ground floor, I climbed the wooden stairs and went out to the balcony, with a beautiful view of Mount Athos, the sea and Dimitra’s shop.
Suddenly someone put a hand on my shoulder, I shuddered, “Not free of charge?!” and turned around.
“I’m always glad to welcome guests,” a ghost-woman said smiling.
“Good morning,” I whispered back in confusion.
“I am Joice Mary NanKivell Loch. Call me Joice. I continue to live here, in the Tower, although I left my earthly body in 1982, a little short of my 96th birthday. I’m buried in the local cemetery in Ouranoupoli, and you?”
“I am Alice. I live in Moscow. I’ve come here for summer.”
My answer seemed to surprise Joice. She took my hand.
“Let’s go inside, I’ll tell you about my Tower!”
We entered a tiny room, where there were several narrow and barred windows overlooking the sea, two wooden chairs, a fireplace in the center, a couple of shelves with books, a woven carpet on the wall and a table with … a typewriter!
“Yes, I wrote novels, essays and poems. Here are the survivors.”
I glanced over the old bookshelf, and the title with St. Peter caught my eye.
“Were you born in this Tower?”
“No, in Australia. I loved nature and the country life. However, I wanted to travel. After marriage with Sidney, he was a journalist and also a bit writer, we joined humanitarian missions and in various countries helped people affected by the First World War. In 1923, when the Greek-Turkish War ended, we came here to settle Greek refugees from Turkey. The territory of Ouranoupoli then belonged to the monastery of Vatopedi, the border of Athos was in Trypiti. By agreement with the state, the border was moved to the Zygou monastery, and Vatopedi provided land and buildings, including the Tower, to the refugees. At first, we lived on the island of Ammouliani opposite, and then moved to the Tower. I loved and still love it very much. We are where our heart is, and after death we are drawn to what or to whom we are attached on Earth.”
“Are all souls drawn or only the light ones?”
“Almost every soul has something dark in it. One local resident was tormented by his unfinished business, he lamented and wept, coming to me for consolation. Someone is drawn to the already committed shameful act in order to rewrite the Past, but it’s firmly fixed and unchangeable in the Chronicle of the World. I had a helper called Martha, her son after his death promised to make amends for his fault by helping those still living on Earth.”
“What happened to you after your death?”
“I didn’t realize immediately that I had gone. I continued to ‘eat’ and ‘sleep’, ‘dress me up’ and consider myself a woman. The strongest habit of all ghosts is to visualize belonging to their earthly sex. Having lost the body, you cease to be a woman or a man, you are a soul. Chaotically and unconsciously, I returned to various fragments of the Past, experiencing them again as if ‘here and now’. I saw what hurt me and the people I had helped, the light of their memory warmed the soul. Sometimes I think that we, as earthly individuals, exist as long as we are remembered on Earth. The walls of this Tower keep me in their memory, and some of those who know me personally are still alive in Ouranoupoli.”
“Is Dimitra one of them?”
“Yes, she is, as well as her mother and grandmother. Do you see the outside small building? There was a medical center and medicines were stored there. Once Dimitra, while still a little girl, fell, hurt her knee and ran to me. I washed the wound, bandaged her leg, telling a fairy tale about a sheep, and treated her with sweets.”
“Have you seen the Stairs?”
“Of course, Alice,” Joice smiled. “It’s inside one’s soul. You are moving up or down it even during life. The posthumous state is the soul’s wandering within its Past, crying and grieving over wrong things, getting joy from the Good and Light that it has brought into the world, and as a result, its self-determination based on its attraction to this or that. Everyone has their own Stairway to Heaven. On Athos, the deceased monk resurrected at his own funeral to tell the brothers how the devils nearly had taken him to Hell for his addiction to wine drinking, but good deeds stood up for him and outweighed the cup. Someone is present at the Judgment, someone is not, perhaps being unaware of what is happening.”
“And when the memory of the deceased disappears, then …?”
“It disappears on Earth, not in Heaven. The soul will gradually calm down, freed from memories, both others’ and its own, and …”
A tourist came into the room with a five-year-old daughter. I got frightened that they would see me sitting on an exhibit chair and talking with a ghost, so I abruptly stood up and took a step towards the window, with peripheral vision I noticed the girl approaching Joice and looking at her and at me in surprise.
“Kids see us sometimes,” Joice smiled. “I was really fond of children! We set up an elementary school in Ouranoupoli, and later I got a flock of sheep and taught women to weave woolen carpets. Our works got many awards, all the masterpieces were sold out. The only carpet that left is on the wall here.”
The tourist’s daughter instantly shifted her gaze to the carpet, but her father took her by the hand and led into the next room, while I came up to the bookshelf and noticed a niche with awards.
“Mine ones, yes, though everything earthly is conditional. It’s the unconditional love of the heart that counts. During my lifetime, I felt the support of Heaven. Sometimes I was about to give up, but circumstances changed, and it worked out even better than planned. I saw a lot of suffering and loved people for the courage with which they endured adversity. Every soul comes into the world to serve others, but not every soul remembers this on Earth.”
“I… write too,” I admitted timidly.
“Come at night, let’s read our poems to each other! In the Tower by the sea, at the open Heavenly Gates, where the Other World voices are heard whispering at night, it’s good to write! You know, many writers regret that they had no time to write something important. Earthly affairs drag us into the swamp of fuss, and the most important things are often postponed for the Future. Many ghosts try to whisper the unsaid lines to their colleagues.”
“Joice, have you seen a… Monk here?”
“Monks often come here. There is a chapel on the top floor. It’s closed to tourists, not to ghosts. I don’t want to disturb them. I have two rooms and a balcony, where I watch my village go to sleep in the evening and meet the Sun in the morning. Monks come at night along the underground corridor that connects the Tower with the Zygou monastery, where the border control point is located. Apparently, they are not allowed to Mount Athos, and Zygou is destroyed, the closest option is my chapel.”
“Is there a dungeon in the Tower?!”
“A great labyrinth, yeah! I went down once, but I was afraid to get lost. Perhaps it connects the Tower to all the monasteries. Would you like to explore it?”
***
Somewhere in the Mist
The Moonlight Sonata… It begins to sound in me softly. From somewhere far away, where everything is foggy, but through the Mist I see …
…black furniture. And I feel sick, that’s how I feel all the Bad, associated with Death, hellish portals to the Lower Astral.
“Sit down,” a male voice says commanding, and I shake my head negatively. “I said, SIT DOWN!”
I want to run away, into the Moonlight Sonata, which sounds louder and louder, but a female voice brings me back, “Don’t leave him! Help him!” Who is it screaming? I don’t know. I can’t remember. I step into the Mist, where the Moonlight Sonata sounds, but out of the Mist emerges…
…a black luxury car.
“You consider me like your man, don’t you?” says a male powerful voice grinning maliciously.
I turn sharply to the right and take a step into the Mist, but I find myself…
…onto a stage flooded with light, where, blinded by the spotlights, they hand me something, I don’t remember what it was. And again, I hear the voice of the one whose face is hidden from me by the Mist,
“I’ll go with you to Venice, and we’ll take Eugene to keep us company.”
Who is Eugene? Why Venice? I don’t understand, but it hurts. I turn sharply to the left and step into the Mist, towards the Moonlight Sonata, which calls me to it, but out of the Mist appears
…my mother. All in black. She doesn’t want… what? – me to go to Venice?
And the voice, that imperious male voice, shouts at me,
“Why did Eugene give you a rose?! And what about you with Victor?!”
Who are these Eugene and Victor? The Mist creeps over my Consciousness, and I start running away, towards the Moon, it’s getting closer and closer, but the female voice stops me, “Don’t leave him! Help him!”
I pause for a moment to remember who they are. In vain! The Moonlight Sonata merges their voices into one, and the Mist draws trees in the park, it beckons me to where … I turn around sharply, take a step in the opposite direction and fall down…
…into a white room, where the same male voice sounds,
“Make me this project, and we’ll definitely go somewhere with you.”
Who is he? And why do I feel so bad that I want to dissolve in the Moonlight Sonata, which pours into me in waves, and I’m no longer pacing, I’m running again, trying to get out of the nightmarish labyrinth, however, out of the Mist emerges…
…a table with candles … I don’t see his face, but he hands me a glass of wine.
“Happy birthday, darling! I want to drink for you to die before me!” and he drinks to the bottom.
“Don’t leave him! Help him!” a female voice is heard, though already much weaker, while the Moonlight Sonata sounds louder and louder, and I hear him shouting,
“Who the hell are you?”
I abruptly get up and leave, without turning around, farther and farther, to the place where the Moonlight Sonata sounds so loudly that I can no longer hear anyone’s voices … No one’s at all… Absolutely …