Some have a fear of taking lifts or being stung by bees.
The royal mattress maker panics at the sight of peas.
No matter the degree of freshness, colour, shape or size,
A single pea will cause his knees to quiver – and besides,
He’ll carry on and on about each time he’s been betrayed
By this (insert an insult) veg that’s undermined his trade.
If it is fresh, there’ll be a stain, a dent if it is dry.
Whichever way you look at it, it’s bound to make you cry.
His trusty tools are worn: distressed, he grips them way too tight.
He’s lost apprentices and wives. He’s lost his appetite.
Whoever said it was a harmless (healthy, vegan) food
Should take a look at his complexion. Harmless? Don’t be fooled.
Princesses come and go: an endless fraudulent charade.
The royal mattress maker and his mattresses are frayed
To bits, and every single night he dreams of peas galore
That rain upon princesses, sleepless on the palace floor.
Иллюстрация Марии Соболевой