"Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope
Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope..."
Ash Wednesday by T.S. Eliot
Because I cannot change again
Because I cannot change
For the eyes that watch my every failure
Every fault
I cannot reconstruct my barren world
***
And so I let time wash my sins away
But still they will remind the very mournful day
Caress that led my soul to solitude and pure wrath
Like Cain in the garden that's full of gloss
And locust. I’ve seen its birth
Will the luring silence take my words for granted?
To flee or not, to breathe my life out of the body
It's waiting and it's murmuring lost prayers
An outcast with a mask or unnamed Lord
Who reaps for nothing and who leaves no traces
Of whom I wish I had forgotten once
Believe in heaven under the skies and in thunder
Like in hell. I feel like I'm going under
In the lowland between birches I choke
There’s no one, only shadows in the smoke
Visions, desires are nothing for me, I'm a liar
I'm a seeker without hope and I'm hope without fire
But I'm waiting for something to make me stop
So no thunder, no storm would cease my dreaming
I'm a dreamer without dream that breathe life into meaning
Flow like a river
Believe in nothing but forever stay a believer
Feel every touch of time in my liver
In my lungs and in my heart
Pray for the first time as loud as I could to be heard
Because I finally see the sky like a bird
With raven feathers and with wings
I embrace everyone and everything
For_salvation.
13/04/18