At last this is happening. The decision came easy to me. Not sure how about him. We are running away from the entire civilization. Down there, on remote island among broad leaved Baltic forest and deserted villages, in the temporary barracks made of rough birch and oak, we will be able to begin a new life together.
I am running away from evil humans, from genetic influences and unhealthy attachments; you - from arrogance, money dependencies and damaging addictions.
Nobody supports our decision, because it goes against the norm that the rest committed to live according to. My biological family tries to stop me from leaving. They'd rather see me in the grave yard than lose the control over their puppet doll, that was always there to keep them going in the misery of their perverted fantasies, which I believed were the only truth of living. Which I believed was the only way, the only existing reality. But what they are missing from this perfect equation is my deserved human will and my purely human right to live, to laugh, to love; to chose where to live, whom to laugh with and whom to love. And guess what?! My choice is to love any total stranger but them. "Please, I pray, I beg, just let me go! Can't you see that you are killing me from the within!?" None of that, of course, they want to hear.
On a Big Day, my biological mother picks up the sharpest longest knife from the utensils' storage drawer in the kitchen and runs at me in frantic attempts to stub me in my chest, stub me to death. So that I could belong to her and the family forever, even if that is only my dead body left to be owned. Perhaps this is because my role is to fulfill their empty hearts and lifeless souls. Guess what I am saying to you this time? "Enough!"
And here you are, - my new path, my new life, my inspiration, my beginning and the end, the start of another end; you stand like a live shield between my chest and this shiny knife in my mother's hand. And I can't think of anything else, but that this woman has got nothing to do with once to be my loving and caring mum. This being is a possessed demonic creature with no feelings or love remained! - Alike everybody else that I was brought up with, petrifying dead and empty black holes, where no sunshine can enter, as there is only room for darkness. - There is nothing left in you from the human nature.
Some people in our lives even openly claim that you took me away by force without my consent. Well, I suppose those are judging from their own actions and experiences. They yell that you are a great manipulator and hypnotist, and that I just yielded on those supernatural charms. Obviously the charms, charms that are saving my life, who wouldn't be yielded, aah, tell me please? They threaten you with the media and newspapers, with the police forces and forfeit you the sentence in prison for the rest of your days. But as always you stand strong against the weak. This is another reason I know I have made the right choice, letting you love me.
Ha, we laugh, in those people's faces! All of that is such an inflamed sick imagination of envious beings and ignorance beyond any understanding. It is really funny how silly and primitive evil tongues can get when it comes to defending their fake beliefs and twisted selfish insecurities.
So, I hide away at yours for almost a week. I have known you for a month now, but I never felt that truly close to anyone in my life before! It is scary! I wonder if in the next minute you are going to turn into a monster and all of that will end up being another nightmare that I have dreamed, whilst being kept in one of the cages, locked away from the day light in the hands of a criminal mind, crying for salvation, love and human warmth. I wonder if you just want something from me in return for my trust? But I have to risk it, as it is a life or death case this time.
I wait till things calm down in my biological family's house. I steal my documents and passport and hide them at our secret place, that only me and you know about.
To the island we departed in the winter at silent pitch black night so that nobody is able to track down the place where we settle to disappear from civilization forever. If ever then now is the time, decided I.
It is cold and wet with a rustling rain and hurricane like wind hitting us painfully, and this is nothing in compare to what I have been through so far. "Here you go, throwing more obstacles down your way" - skies shout at me testing my will, yet again. Gaining freedom has never been and can never be easy! The moon painted in cold yellow shades is shining through the dull gray clouds, illuminating our little two-gravity log boat, loaded with a couple of bags, nothing much - our path to freedom from all of the pain and sufferings. I have no regrets, and happy burning tears slip down my dry from cold and wind red cheeks. I cry because I can predict that it's just the start, my first baby step and it is not going to be easy for sure. I will have to relearn how to live and brief all from scratch now. How to say no or yes without any consequences. How to do something that I like, or eat what I like, or dress up how I like, or be whoever I like to be. And I will have to forget everything I have learned so far about life and living!
I am wearing a waterproof sports backpack. Except that, on me are the pants in harem style, organic cotton underwear, a thick wool multi-toned scarf with its collar stretched all the way to my face, white long prickly merino sweater handcrafted in bizarre freestyle patterns. I am wearing a pair of gray short rubber boots on a soft loaf adding couple inches to my petite height. In my backpack I carry a pair of black fishing boots, two pairs of thick gray woolen socks, two thermal cotton pajamas in beige, a white silk shirt for the summer season, a warm knitted multicolored throw in the rainbow stripes' design, scientific encyclopedias about everything and anything, a book of worldwide philosophical findings, a guide to vegetarian cuisine on the stove and on the bonfire, one soft plush toy - a silver bear with a thin smile, one of those that can be heated and it will keep the warmth for you for a good three hours, - what a delight! Also, within everything else, I packed up a complete sewing kit, an annual supply of thin crispy loaves, a bag of dried berries, water bottle with lifelong filter, a large self-reproducing energy handhold flashlight and an old antediluvian discograph* on solar charge with preloaded singles and lectures, a little more than a few terabytes long.
On arrival, we were terribly exhausted, sleepy and thoroughly wet. The most difficult was to push the boat ashore with just two of us. Full of sharp stones, difficult to walk though, heavily overgrown with bushes and high weeds deserted bank. We barely dragged our aching feet, but we had to settle in our little hut, find wood for the fireplace, light it up as soon as we can, so as not to die of cold.
I sweep the floors, tidy the barrack a bit, get some fresh water from the well for both of us ...
I cry, my tears blind me and tingle on my cracked from the frostbites skin... that first sip of fresh water, that I choose to drink and not just made to drink is enlightening, liberating and purifying. I stand outside watching the sky with billions of stars watching me back. I kneel to the frosted icy ground, with a wild laud scream... for the first time, because I choose to.
You stand beside and look at me with a great proud and love - a kind of love that, and now I know it too, every human deserves. "I will hold tight to your love", - is my promise to you.
- You just hold tight to my hand and never let me go, I beg! Hold tight to me, whilst I hold tight to your love, I plead!
And I am holding tight to your warm live chest, not because you make me to, because I choose to!
* fictionate name for a music player
TJS 2017